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SOCIAL EVIL 



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ST. LOUIS, MO.,.^^ 



PRICE 25 CENTS. 



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SOCIAL EVIL, 

BY 

ANDREW H. LUOAS. 



Entered according to Act of Congress, in the office of the Librarian of Congress at Washing- 
ton, D. C, by Andrew H. Lucas, in the year 1873. 

SCENE I. 

Parlor Table, Blowers, Books. Two young Ladies. One on a 

lounge, the other in an easy chair reading a newspaper. 

Laura. I do believe, Julia dear, we shall never have any 
fun. I am sick of this restraint We are here now three weeks 
on a visit, and uncle is so particular that he will not let us go 
with young gentlemen like the young ladies in the city. Why, 
there's Miss Mary and Miss Nelly, and others that you know, 
and they go and stay out with their beaux every night until 
twelve or one o'clock and nobo Jy brings them to order. 

Julia. Oh ! it must be so nice. We came to town to see 
some fun, and let us have it Suppose we go board and tell 
uncle we have gone home ? 

Laura. That's just it. Let me see if there is any adver- 
tisement in the paper for boarders. O ! dear, here it is. Wan- 
ted a few respectable young lady boarders. Sociable young 
ladies can find elegant accommodations at No. 7th Street. 

Julia. That's just it. I am sure we are sociable, suppose 
we go and make arrangements to-morrow, it will only be a 
little tun and for a few days. 

Laura. Be it so. Let us go dress, the carriage will be 
here at four. (exit.) 

SCENE II. 
Young gent's room, table, books, &c. Two young genfs smoking. 

Harry. Well Jim, old lellow, this social evil is a glori- 
ous institution. You remember under the old law how we 
were caged. Now it's free and glorious. 



Jim. (Sanctimoniously.) Yes, but my conscience accuses 
me it's sinful entraping those innocent birds. 

Harry. Well, you missed your calling, you ought to be 
brought up to the church. Console yourself, my drooping wil- 
low. Did we not meet Mrs D. at Miss Snizles millinery estab- 
lishment, what took her there, and Miss C. and Miss H. at the 
ice cream saloon on the avenue, what took them there ? To be 
sociable, of course, and if they go there, it's not our fault. 
Why, I was at Miss Snizle's establishment the other day and 
an old gray-headed man walks in with band box to get his 
wife's bonnet fixed. He left the band box on the counter and 
went up stairs to look at a new shape, and would you believe 
it, the band box was empty, the old sinner was fishing. 

Jim. Did you ever — ? 

Harry. Yes I did, but the most important question is, 
how are we to keep up the financial department. 

Jim. That's more than I know. I have taken all I could 
lay hands on, the last was my mother's bracelets, and they are 
gone up the spout. 

Harry. That's my fix exactly, the governor's watch and 
chain are gone in the same direction. Well, we have enough 
for a short time anyhow, and trust to luck for the future. 

Jim. That's a melancholy state of affairs, but I suppose 
we will have to keep under it. 

Harry. I would advise you to look for a situation as un- 
dertaker. Come, let us promenade. Wait, let me get my eye- 
glass. Ah ! here it is. (exit.) 

SCENE III. 

Parlor of a social evil boarding house. Madam in rocking-chair 

reading a book. Bell rings, enter servant. 

Servant. Two young ladies at the door, ma'm, want to 
see you. 

Madam. Bring them in. They are answering the adver- 
tisement, I expect. 

(Enter young ladies.) 

Laura. We saw an advertisement in the paper that you 
wanted boarders, and as we are in the city for a short time, 
we thought we should prefer retirement than to go to a hotel. 

Madam. Oh ! yes, please be seated, my dear young ladies. 
You will find if you board here for a short time, that it will be 



— 3 — 

so pleasant and our company so select, that you'll want to 
stay all the time. 

Laura. Can you furnish us with a room on to-morrow ? 

Madam. Yes, bring your trunks. You'll be just in time, 
as we are going to have a sociable to-morrow night, and that 
will be just the thing to make you acquainted. 

Laura. Well, we will be here od to-morrow, we must. 
So good morning. (exit.) 

Madam. Good morning, young ladies. 

Madam. Well, I expect they are green in letting on to 
be; anyhow they are good looking and will attract, and if they 
are green they will soon get sociable enough. 
(Enter servant.) 

Servant. Madam, Mr. Bisby wants to see you. 

Madam. The old sinner ! He has a family and such a 
good wife, and yet he must come and see me. Well, it must 
be my good looks or my amiable disposition, that attracts him. 
Send him in. 

(Enter Mr, Bisby, an old gent.) 

Mr. Bisby. Well, my angle, I am delighted to see you 
looking so fresh this morning. I thought Fd drop in and have 
a little chat, my Heby. 

Madam. Now, Mr. Bisby, I am used to all these things, 
but I do think a man of your years and married to such an 
amiable wife, should make his home, and his wife especially, 
happy by his true love and attention, instead of that you are 
running here after every stray bird that happens to come this 
way ; you ought to be ashamed. 

Mr. Bisby. Oh ! my Diana, you are mistaken, it's you 
are the attractive power, it's your genial disposition and loving 
smiles that draws me here. (Bell rings.) 

Madam. Somebody comes. Well, if it is so and you 
come to see me, you naughty man, I suppose I must flatter 
myself good looking. Come to my room, these callers want 
the parlor. (exit.) 

SCENE 17. 
In the Park, an iron Park chair. Harry and Jim smoking. 



Harry. Well, Jim, old fellow, this is charming. Let me 
sec what time it is. Oh I I forgot my watch. 



— 4 — 

Jim. It's in safe keeping. 

Harry. You're like a Dorth wind, always chilling a fel- 
low. Why don't you under every financial panic have a cheer- 
ful disposition like me ? 

Jim. Because the end is as clear as mud ; I tremble at the 
consequences. 

Harry. Well, I don't know what would become of you if 
I was to give up my guardianship. If you were to see your- 
self just now, you would make a good picture for a trade mark 
on some patent ague cure. Well, I don't see what keeps those 
young ladies, they ought to be here by this time, the moon is 
nearly up. They said they would give the old folks the slip 
and meet us here. Well, sit down and let me tell you what 
happened to the governor last evening. 

Jim. Some of your rascality, I recon. 

Harry. Oh no, I just saved him from losing a ten dollar 
bill and placed in safe keeping for a reserve Well, you see 
the governor told me to get ready for prayer meeting, and as 
it was early we took a walk, and as we went by the madam's 
ice cream saloon, the governor stopped. Come, son, says he, 
let us go in and have some ice cream. I looked at the gover- 
nor as if a thunderbolt struck him. Can it be, I thought, that 
my father has got to visiting here too 1 I thought I'd see if it 
could be so and I said "all right," and in we went, and the madam 
— thinking I had brought a wind — fall, showed us up-stairs. 

Jim. That's to rich ! 

Harry. O ! you ought to see the social young ladies, 
dressed to kill, such low necks. The governor took a seat; 
a star of the first magnitude approached with a smile. Ice 
cream for two, says the governor. She smiled and wont to fill 
the order. Don't these young ladies dress rather conspicuous ? 
says the governor. That's fashion, said I. I could hardly 
keep in a smile. She came in with her cream and another 
young lady with water, who kindly took a seat by me, while 
the other deliberately sat in the governor's lap, put her arm 
around his neck and kissed him. The governor gave a jump 
as if lightning had struck him. Oh ! my son, says he, where 
are we. He rammed his hand in his pocket, took a ten dollar 
bill, slapped it on the table and bolted, which he no sooner 
done, than I covered it with the palm of my hand. Calmly 
I took it and deliberately I folded it, put it in my vest pocket. 



— 5 — 

Madam, says I, please be so kind and charge this to my little 
account. She made a grab at me, but thanks to my paper col- 
lar, which was all she got. I got off without any scratching. 
In a moment I was with the governor. Son, says he, what 
would 1 do if any of the members of the church were to see 
me coming out of there ? We did not go to church, I to make 
my toilet, richer by ten dollars, and the governor a wiser man. 
Ah ! here they come, the dears. 

(Enter two young ladies.) 

Miss S. How' do, how^ do ? We are so sorry for keeping 
you waiting so long. We could not get a chance sooner, just 
gave mother and aunty the slip, told them we were going with 
Minnie to the library. 

Harry. I knew youM come, my love. (Slipping his arm 
round her waist.) Let us promenade. Jim, you take Miss Y. 
to the grotto, while we go to the lover's walk and for fear we 
should not meet again meet me at the gate at ten. (exit.") 



SCENE Y. 

A social evil house. Parlor, ladies and gents at card tables, 

Wines, &c. Mr. Bisby and, madam on lounge. Jim and 

Harry at card table in front, playing, hnter young 

ladies, Laura and Julia, dressed for the reception. 

Marry starts but keeps his seat. 



Madam. Young ladies, you are rather late, the young 
gents are waiting to have the pleasure of an introduction to 
you. 

Mr. Bisby. (Pulling the madam by the dress.) Please 
introduce me. 

Madam. (Takes no notice of Mr. Bisby.) Young ladies, 
allow me to introduce you to two nice young gents, well known 
in the higher circles of the city. Mr. Stanson and Mr. Mizles, 
they move in the best society. (Introduces young ladies to 
Harry and Jim. Harry takes the young lady and promenades 
and returns, to front of stage, Jim takes young lady to a seat.) 

Harry. Miss Florence, did I not have the pleasure of 
meeting you in Caseville, Ills. ? 

Laura. It may be so; I reside there. 

Harry. Is not your father a minister ? 

Laura. Yes, Sir. 



— 6 — 

Harry. And how come you here ? 

Laura. We have just come to the city on a visit and saw 
in the paper yesterday this lady's advertisement for boarders, 
and came and engaged board for a few days. 

Harry. Do you know where you are, do you know that 
you are in a social evil house and all the inmates are aban- 
doned characters ? 

Laura. Oh ! where shall we fly to ? 

Harry. Keep quiet; I believe you are innocent and will 
save you. You are in a trap, tell your sister and get near the 
door. I will go and get shawls to cover you and when I return 
and open the door you fly j I will protect you, I am armed. 
(Harry takes Laura to her sister and then leaves unnoticed.) 

A fight between two gents at a table, confusion all round, in 
which Harry returns, opens the door and young ladies escape. 
Fight continues, Mr, Bisby is knocked down by Jim, Mr. Bisby 
on the flat of his back. Madam calls watch at a window. A reg- 
ular rush from the room. 

Madam. I do wonder where those young ladies are gone 
to, I must hunt them up. (exit.) 



SCENE VI. 

Young gent's room. Harry and Jim smoking. 



Harry. Now you see, Jim, that I have some redeemable 
qualities after all. I saved those young ladies from destruc- 
tion. I think when they get home they shall inform their lady 
friends about social boarding houses. 

Jim. Yes, but how many more have you destroyed ? 

Harry. You are mistaken, they were lost to all self-res- 
pect before they made my acquaintance. Did I not know so 
I should rather put a bullet in my brain, than take an advan- 
tage of them. But let that go. Do you know that our bank 
i3 broken ; how are we to raise the wind ? 

Jim. Yes, that's the question. 

Harry. Now let me tell you, you will have to make 
Slamer, Hammer, Crash & Co., your employers at the store, 
pay your expenses. 

Jim. Why, they pay me regular forty dollars a month, 
and would not give me a cent more. 

Harry. Did you not tell me that Slammer, Hammer, 



-7 — 

Crash & Co. said you were to go round at night and drum 
up customers for the store ? 

Jim. Yes. 

Harry. Well then, if they expect you to act the gentle- 
man after night, why, you have to draw on the store. 

Jim. They will not give me a cent more than they give me. 

Harry. You are as stupid as an ass; take the money 
and appropriate for the benefit of the store. 

Jim. Why, that's stealing ! 

Harry. It'sjust there you are mistaken. Now you see, il 
Slammer, Hammer, Crash & Co. expect you to bring custom to 
the store on forty dollars a month by drumming up custom af- 
ter night, they must be fools j and again you see, if you take 
a five or a ten and bring twenty or thirty to the store, the store 
is benefited by the appropriation. 

Jim. I see, that's reasonable enough. 

Harry. Certainly it is. Did not Brown and Blamer, 
when they engaged me, require the same on fifty dollars a 
month ? I said ^^all right, gentleman," and from the time I en- 
tered their store I considered myself a silent partner. You 
know Flinty, well, his Clerks fight the tiger every night j if 
they lose the store pays their expenses, if they win the store 
has the benefit of it, so everything in that concern works har- 
moniously. Well, we must go, I have promised to take Mrs. 
Truster to the cave to-night ; her husband is gone to New York 
to buy goods, and she wants some recreation. (exit.) 



SCENE YII. 



Mrs. Bisby's parlor. Mrs. Bishy sitting in a rocking by a table 
reading a letter. 



Mrs. Bisby. Well, I do declare, this is enough to make 
angels weep. (Eeads letter.) 

Mrs. Bisby. 

Eespected Madam : 

Knowing you to be a lady of high tone and one that 

would not wish to make religion a cloak for rascality, I beg of 

you to persuade your husband to keep from visiting social evil 

houses or from church. Last night he came near being killed 



— 8 — 

in a broil in one of those places, and the plaster on his nose is 
a relic of the affair. 

Eespectfully, 

Your Friend. 

(Enter Mr. Bisby with a patch on his nose.) 

Mr. BisBY. Well, my dear, won't you go to church this 
evening. It's time you were getting ready, my love. 

Mrs. Bisby. (Indignantly.) Take a seat, sir, and listen 
to reason and common sense. 

Mr. Bisby. Why^ my darling Bisby, what's ruffled your 
sweet disposition this evening ? 

Mrs. Bisby. (Furious, raising her dress to show her foot.) 
Look at that toe protruding, see then, I cannot go out tor 
want of something decent to put on. Can you not give me 
some money ? 

Mr. Bisby. My dear Mrs. Bisby, you don't know how tight 
money matters are ; I am afraid we are going to have a finan- 
cial panic. 

Mrs. Bisby. Now, Mr. Bisby, listen to me, Til panic you. 
(Bisby trembles.) Look at your pants all worn out from mak- 
ing long hypocritical prayers in church, so long that the con- 
gregation thinks the day of judgment is coming before you 
get through. 

Mr. Bisby. My love, are you losing what little sense you 
ever had ? 

Mrs. Bisby. Oh ! I'll have you listen to this. (Reads 
letter.) Now, Mr. Bisby, on to-morrow the electric wires shall 
flash all over the country that a suit for a divorce has com- 
menced, Bisby vs. Bisby. 

Mr. Bisby. (Mr. Bisby falls on his knees.) My dear Mrs. 
^isby, your own loving Bisby never told you a lie. It's a 
little weakness that's come over me since they introduced the 
social evil law, and — 

(Mrs. Bisby very indignantly leaves the room.) 

Mr. Bisby. (Opening his eyes.) How frail we are. I 
must go talk to my Bisby, it will never do for the church to 
know this little affair. (exit.) 



— 9 — 

SCENE Yin. 

Court Room. Justice sitting at table, books, papers; &c. Sociable 
young ladies, madam, Mr. Bisby, Jim in the corner speak- 
ing, Harry with his back to the justice taking a drink 
out of a bottle with his handkerchief around it, then 
wipes his eyes. Attorneys, officers, (Sec, <Scc. 



Justice. Mr. Skinner, are you ready in the case ? 

Skinner. Yes, Sir. 

Justice. Proceed then, Mr. Graball. 

Skinner. Your honor, I make a motion to throw the en- 
tire case out of court. 

Justice. On what grounds ? 

Skinner. On the grounds, your honor, that my client has 
the right to keep a social evil house, no matter under what 
name, and be protected in doing so by our present law. And 
she has the privilege of calling it a boarding house or what- 
ever name she pleases. 

Justice. I cannot sustain your motion. 

Justice. Proceed with the case, Mr. Graball. 

Mr. Graball. Please, your honor, this is a case, a very 
aggravating case, and one that deserves to be severely pun- 
ished to the very severest penalty that's within the jurisdiction 
of your court. On the night of the l4th of this month, while 
the moon shone bright and the stars were twinkling in the 
blue canopy of heaven, suddenly the night was made hideous, 
oh ! judge, by a yell that would wake the dead. The police 
for several blocks round heard the echo, and ran to the scene 
of danger, and what was it ? Ah ! that's the question. 

Skinner. Your honor, please confine the gentleman to 
facts and not poetical quotations. 

Justice. Take your seat, sir. Go on, Mr. Graball. 

Graball. If the attorney for the defence is well paid for 
this little affair, be must certainty allow me the privilege of 
defending morality, and keep his mouth shut until I am done, 
or I'll be under the necessity of making him do it. 

Justice, Proceed, sir. 

Graball. As I was stating when interrupted, there came 
from the window of the defendant's house, and from the defen- 
dant herself, such a yell, that you'd think the day of judgment 
was come, and the last trumpet was sounding, watch, watch, 



— 10 — 

watch, and when the guardian angels of night arrived, they 
found the house in a perfect uproar, and from the window sill 
was hanging suspended by his hands in the act of dropping 
himself on the pavement this old gray headed man (pointing 
to Bisby). He ought to be ashamed of himself, (Bisby trem- 
bles) a gray headed old sinner like him. 

Skinner. Your honor, I certainly object to such proceed- 
ings. If the gentleman alluded to was paying a visit, a soci- 
able visit, he has every right to do so, and the law must pro- 
tect him in the peaceful enjoyment of the same. 

Justice. Confine yourself strictly to the case. 

Graball. Your honor, this is the second time I have been 
interrupted by that gentleman, and if he does it again he will 
suffer the consequences. 

Justice. Proceed, sir. 

Graball. Well, your honor, as I was about to state, 
when the stars entered under the inviting coll of the lady of 
the house, the defendant in the case, they found the young 
ladies and gents playing at rough and tumble in the hall and in 
the kitchen, and in fact all over the house, and if it was not 
lor their timely interference, the most of them would not be 
able to see your honor now. 

Justice. Call the witness. 

Graball. Have Mr. Slowley sworn. (Clerk swears Mr. 
Slowley, a policeman; Mr. Slowley takes a seat.) 

Graball, Well, Mr. Slowley, what's your occupation ? 

Justice. I think that question is unnecessary, as the star 
on his coat is evidence of the fact. 

Graball. Well then, sir, where were you on the night of 
this affair? 

Slowley. I was on my beat, of course. 

Graball. Please tell the court what you heard, what you 
saw, and what you did. 

Slowley. I heard the madam call watch. I called assis- 
tance and proceeded to the scene of action. We found the 
house in a perfect uproar, all parties having a free fight j took 
the liberty of restraining them and entered proceedings against 
them, and recognize these ladies and gents as the parties that 
had the skirmish. 



— 11 — 

Graball. I think, your honor, it is unnecessary for me 
to prolong the case. Your honor has got sense enough to 
know that these parties are in court, and under the majesty of 
the law for violating the same. I shall let the attorney for 
the detence proceed. (Mr. Graball sits down.) 

Mr. Skinner, Your honor, the gentleman is very kind, 
and no doubt very virtuous, and as far as his ability went, did 
his best to try and unmake a law that was made and framed by 
our city fathers. I am only surprised that your honor allowed 
him to waste so much wind. Now, your honor, has not my 
client a right under the present law to keep a house ot this 
kind ? Certainly she has, and be protected in the same, and 
she has a perfect right to uphold the honor and dignity of the 
same, and ever}^ young lady and gentleman under her roof 
has a right to be protected, and it's not because a gentleman 
goes where he has a perfect legal right to go, that he is to be 
dragged before the law, when the law ought to protect him in 
his rights. And again, your honor, if you were to hunt up 
every house in town of this character and bring the inmates 
here, you would have some of the honorable members of our 
profession, also doctors, congressmen, and fat contractors of 
every description. No, sir, you cannot do it, it is their right 
under the law, and the law will protect them. (Mr. Skinner 
sits down.) 

Justice, I have listened to the arguments of both of j^ou 
with a great deal of patience. You have both done justice to 
your profession, but if my head is level, which I think it is, 
I can see the matter in a different light. While I am sustained 
in my official capacity by the unanimous voice of the people. 
I shall administer justice according to the dictates of my con- 
science. This is the conclusion I have come to : I shall leave 
the ladies go free this time, but if ever they are brought again 
before me on such a charge, I will fine them fifty dollars each? 
and appropriate the same to help to build a monument to be 
erected in the park, and inscribe thereon in golden letters '^In 
memory of lost virtue. Mr. Officer, show these ladies the 
door, if you please. I want to have a talk with these gents. 
(Ladies leave.) Now, gentlemen, I see before me fathers and 
sons, perhaps of good families. Ought you not to be ashamed 
to be brought here under this charge, even if it has the sane- 



— 12 — 

tion of the law? You, sir, (to Bis by) a member of the church? 
Hell is full of such christians as you. I shall fine you all fity 
dollars each, and the next time I will double the amount. 

BisBY. Oh ! judge. 

Justice. Shut up, sir, pay the fine or go to the work- 
house, and be glad you get oflf so cheap. Now, gentlemen, 
you can pay up and leave, and never let me see your face 
again. (All pay and leave.) 

Justice. (To Graball.) Well, this is not a bad morning's 
work, after all. 

Graball. Judge, loan me a Y. 

Justice. You're always on a joke, Graball, let us go 
and take a drink. (exit all.) 



LIBRARY OF CONGRESS 




014 211 925 • 



